


Sweet Release

by CarlyWinchester



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: Self-Harm, Suicide, Triggers, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-05
Updated: 2014-10-05
Packaged: 2018-02-19 22:50:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2405768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CarlyWinchester/pseuds/CarlyWinchester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After being in pain for so long, Nico finally ends it all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sweet Release

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING suicide; self harm

Darkness swirled in pools of smoke and grime. The air was heavy, pressing down harder and harder with every step he took. The terrain was rough and rocky, but the voices… the voices were the worst part. Agonizing screams of terror and pain surrounded him, while other voices taunted, letting him know that those screams would be coming from him soon enough. Telling him of all the torture they have planned for him: hellhounds tearing him to shreds; furies digging their claws into his intestines; gorgon poison seeping through his veins, causing his very blood to be on fire; chimera eating him live, starting from the bottom so he could watch; burning; beating; cutting, clawing; tearing; poisoning, all in store for the Ghost King. Then starting again with his soul, binding it to Tartarus, so he can never leave, destined for torture for all of eternity.

 

He’s alone. Heart racing a two hundred beats per minute, Nico breaks into a run. He has to escape, he has to find a way. The monsters he passes jeer at him, some run next to him, laughing at his increase in pace, mocking his fear.

 

He’s weaponless. His stygian iron sword, that was in his hand just a second ago, now lay miles behind him and a fleet of monsters.

 

He’s surrounded. Suddenly, hundreds of ugly monsters stand in a circle around the demigod, slowly moving in. Nico falls to the ground, wishing they’d stop moving so slowly - to either leave him alone or get it torture over with.

 

They’re almost upon him. Large, scaly creatures; small, furry creatures; average size spiky creatures and humanoid creatures all reach out towards the boy. Nico shuts his eyes, his breathing hitched. Terrified, he awaits his capture - awaiting his first attack. A hand goes on his shoulder. Nico screams. He shoots his eyes open, and almost punches his sister in the face.

 

“Nico! Wake up! You’re having a nightmare!” Hyperventilating, Nico registers the voice.

 

“H-Hazel?” He asks, his voice small and shallow.

 

“Yeah. It’s me.” Hazel replies, worry in her voice. Nico didn’t reply. He hugged his knees to his chest, stray tears falling down his ghostly pale cheeks. He didn’t know when or how the tears began to fall, but they didn’t stop. Soon, his entire body was engulfed and shaking, and loud sobs were coming from his mouth.

 

Hazel didn’t know what to do. She wrapped his arms around her brother, and held him tightly against her. She never saw her brother cry. She had never even seen him shed a tear 

 

Nico dropped his head onto Hazel’s shoulder, and Hazel’s heart broke for her brother. Her heart broke for the broken boy in her arms.

 

After a few minutes, and Hazel gently rubbing his back, Nico’s sobs subsided. He lifted his head off of Hazel’s tear stained shirt, and put a hand to his throbbing head. He sniff, eyes closed. Hazel dropped one of her arms from the embrace, going into a half-hug. Silence filled the room. Hazel, not knowing what to say, and Nico feeling too embarrassed to say anything.

 

Finally, breaking the silence, Hazel spoke up. “Nico, are you alright?" She asked, hey voice gentle and caring, but also filled with concern. "What were you dreaming about?” Nico hesitated.

“Tartarus.” He finally said, his voice barely above a whisper. “I...I was surrounded by monsters. And at first, they...weren’t even trying to kill me. They...they were just...laughing at me, like my life was just some sort of joke to them. My fear was just some-some sort of game.”

 

“It was only a dream.” Hazel tried to reassure him. “You don’t-” Nico pushed away from Hazel, and jumped off of his bed.

 

“No! Don’t you get it?!” Nico shouted, making Hazel flinch. “It wasn’t just a dream! I was in Tartarus, alone, and I barely survived! I was taken out, just to be put inside a goddamn bronze jar, and used as bait to lure in you and everybody else! Those monsters used me like...like a toy and I couldn't do anything to stop it! I needed to be saved, once again, because I'm not strong enough to save myself!” Nico punched the wall in front on him. “I hate it! I hate my life! I hate everything!” Nico fell to the ground. Hazel, at a loss for words, silently walked over to her brother. She knew he had it rough, ever since his sister, Bianca, had died. Percy told her about how he left camp, and traveled on his own. He told her about how he felt like he never fit in anywhere. Hazel could tell that her brother was depressed. She was worried constantly about what would happen to him. Especially if he feels like this.

 

“Nico, you’re not a toy. You’re a person. You had some horrible luck, but Gaea is dead. We defeated her. It was you who figured out how to close the doors of death. You’re the one who got the Diocletian’s Septor. If it weren’t for you, our quest would have been a failure. Believe me, you’re never going to Tartarus again...and if you do, I’ll be coming with you. You’re not just some joke or a toy. You’re so important to me, and Percy, and Frank, and Reyna, and Will, and everybody else.” Nico didn’t look at his sister.

 

“I want to be alone..” Nico melted away with the shadows. Hazel called out for him, but the the Hades Cabin, once again, was only occupied one camper. Hazel fell onto Nico’s bed, and sat there, unable to move. She was overcome with worry, but there was nothing she could do. She laid down, and looked at the bottom of the top bunk. She thought about his dream, praying to Pluto that it was just a dream, not a vision of the future. Nico has been through so much, he deserved something good to happen to him; but he can only see the bad.

 

Nico didn’t know where he landed. He was in some forest somewhere, but to be honest, he didn’t care where he was, so long as he was alone. He already felt his self-loathing increase, after he broke down in front of Hazel, and then screamed at her. She did nothing wrong. She didn’t deserve to be his scapegoat. He hated himself for running away from her. He snapped, he ran, he regretted. And regret is no stranger to the Ghost King.

 

Nico looked around. He didn’t sense any person, monster, or spirit near him, and he was glad for that. He threw his fists against the trunk of the tree in front of him, and screamed. He screamed until he was out of breath, then screamed some more. His voice became raw and hoarse, but he didn’t stop. His screams echoed throughout the forest, causing a few birds to fly away, but he kept screaming. His ears began to buzz, and his chest felt tight. Black dots covered his line of vision. He was out of breath, and he was about to faint before he finally stopped screaming. He fell to the ground, landing on rocks and sticks, and hard dirt, but did nothing to soften the blow. He tucked his knees in, going into fetal position. Tears dripped down the side of his face. He wiped them away with his bloody hand, leaving behind a trail of blood. His chest, still tight, felt empty, like his heart was missing. He lost his will, his way, his happiness, his dignity, and his sister, all in the matter of two years. He just wanted it to end. He wanted everything to end. He held on long enough, and now, he’s ready to let go.

 

The next morning, Nico knew that Hazel and Frank had to go back to Camp Jupiter. He stopped by Camp Half-Blood, as the sun was rising. He went into his cabin, and saw his sister, sprawled out in his bed, clinging to his blanket. Nico smiled weakly, but his heart wasn’t in it. He walked over to his sister, and gently shook her shoulder.

 

“Hey, Hazel.” Hazel let out a small sound, before slowly opening her eyes.

 

“Huh?” He eyes caught Nico’s and she jumped up, bumping her head on the top bunk. “Nico-ouch...Nico! You’re back!” She threw her arms around her brother, causing him to stumble.

 

“Y-yeah. Sorry about before. I just needed some time to think. And I knew you were going back to Jupiter today, so I wanted to say goodbye.”

 

“What happened to you?” Hazel asked, her smile fading as she noticed the smeared blood on his cheek and hands.

 

“Let out a bit of anger, kinda punched a tree. I’m fine.” Nico forced a smile. Hazel had a weird feeling about Nico, she felt like something was wrong. Like a ghost was riding on Nico’s shoulder.

 

“Hey, Nico, can’t you come with me to Camp Jupiter?” Hazel asked, not wanting to part from her brother. Nico hesitated. “Thanks for the offer, but I need some time to myself. I don’t want to snap at you again.”

 

“Please! I didn’t mind you snapping! Please, I don’t want to leave you again!” Hazel begged.

 

“I’ll visit you, soon. Just...now isn’t a good time.”

 

“Then I’ll stay.” Hazel crossed her arms.

 

“You can’t. You’re needed back at Camp. Besides, I’ll be fine. I don’t want you to get in trouble with Reyna.”

 

“I don’t care about that!” Hazel insisted.

 

“But if you don’t go back, Frank could get in trouble as well.” Hazel opened her mouth, but closed it quickly. “Go. I’ll visit you in a few weeks.” Nico told her. Hazel threw her arms around Nico.

 

“Promise?” Nico nodded his head, his fingers twisted around each other. Pulling apart, Hazel smiled at Nico.

 

“We should probably get more sleep. We still have a couple hours until breakfast.” Hazel nodded, and climbed back into bed, not realizing that the bed in question was Nico’s. Nico then climbed into Hazel’s bunk, her scent still lingering on the pillow. As soon as his head touched the pillow, Nico was asleep, having the best slumber he has had in years.

 

The morning was a blur for Nico. He sat with Hazel in the dining hall, eating breaking. The food somehow tasted differently, somehow better. Nico ate it quickly, then the second plate just as fast.

 

“Are you alright?” Hazel asked her brother.

 

“Fine.” Nico swallowed. “Why do you ask?”

 

“I’ve just never seen you eat like this. Normally, it’s a couple bites, then you’re done.” Nico shrugged, taking a sip of orange juice.

 

“I don’t know. I guess I’m just hungry today.” Hazel smiled.

 

“Well, I’m glad you have an appetite.” Nico ate another grape.

 

“So what time are you and Frank leaving today?”

 

“Right after breakfast.” Nico nodded. His heart was beating out of control. He was worried, and felt guilty, but there was something he had to do when Hazel left. He was scared, but nothing would change his mind. His mind was made.

 

Breakfast came and went in the blink of an eye. Saying goodbye to Hazel was harder than he expected it to be. He wrapped his arms around his sister, tightly, not wanting to let go. But he did. He silently watched her and Frank leave camp. Percy, Annabeth, and Leo stood together, waving. Piper and Jason were at Camp Jupiter awaiting Hazel and Frank’s arrival. Nico stood alone. He silently walked away from the group, and entered his cabin. His heart felt heavy, his chest felt tight, his hands were shaking. It’s time. Nico took out a crumpled piece of paper, scribbled some words on it- an apology, a goodbye in his own way. Then he placed it gently on his bed-side table. On the outside of the note, he wrote her name, in big letters. HAZEL. The scribbled letters implanted on his mind, his sister’s face stuck in his vision. A single tear dripped from his eye, but not out of sorrow. The tear fell out of relief. He finally found his escape. He laid down on his sister’s bed. Even after he slept on it, it still smelled like her. He placed his sword right next to him, the black metal gleamed.

 

Nico pulled out a smaller blade - a pocketknife. He pulled off his aviator’s jacket, and examined the pale skin on his arm. He pressed the blade against his skin, and gasped. He felt pain a thousand times worse, but there was something unusual about this pain. It was small, the cut was shallow, but he felt it stronger than any wound any monster has given him. He cut again. Crimson blood trickled, giving Nico a sense of release. He cut again, and again, causing more and more blood to pour out of his abused flesh, but it wasn’t enough. Soon enough, his entire left arm was covered in cuts, and blood. The white sheets beneath him were now stained red, soaking wet. Nico’s arm tingled, like a thousand ants were running across his skin. It’s still not enough, but Nico couldn’t do anymore. His head felt light, his chest felt heavy. His eyes were fuzzing, his ears buzzing, and he was losing consciousness. Nico’s lips we chapped, his throat burned, his heart beating a thousand beats for minute. Nico felt himself fading. Using the last bits of energy he had, Nico smiled. As his eyes shut for the last time, a single tear fell from his eyes. It’s finally over. Everything is finally over.

**Author's Note:**

> Please Review :)


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